you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
