so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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