I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
