My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i permit you to call me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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