The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
