I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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