I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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