First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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