i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
