I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This baby is an asshole
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
