New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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