Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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