Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
