I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
