Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
