seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't deserve a penis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
