he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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