i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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