Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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