i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
