Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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