I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
