I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
