think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
