remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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