these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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