i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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