I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
