When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every concussion has its silver lining
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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