and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
