Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
