In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
