My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
