Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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