i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
