You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
