i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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