I never want to see another naked old woman again.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
