am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it because I queefed?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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