i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize