a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize