if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
