Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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