You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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