I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
