I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
