apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
