She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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