is your mom at the bar?
youre lurking in front of me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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