woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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