I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
