I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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