Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
