can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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