He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
