Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize