He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
