i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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