So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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