I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
