the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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