Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
