There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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