I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize