Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
