As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
