So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
