Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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