i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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